I sit here ready to pour my heart to you. See I’m always ready to spill the contents of my heart, but the words constantly fail me. I feel so broken and lost, but you know that because you’re Al-Alim the all knowing. Only you know what I harbour in my heart, only you see what I hide, the tears I shed. You know everything.

I know this life is a test, but I’m failing at this test miserably. I need guidance from you, only you can save me. The only person that can heal my heart is the one that created it.

Ya Allāh heal my heart and grant me peace.

Every night I come to you as a sinner and every night I seek forgiveness from you from the things I can’t forgive myself for. Only you know what my sins are and only you can pardon them for you are Al-Ghaffar the all forgiving.

Ya Allāh, I feel so hopeless at times.. and I’m ashamed that I can feel hopeles and alone when I know you’re here. But I let the sadness consume me, too many times. I know you’ve promised us that verily with hardship comes ease, ya Allāh grant me the ease as I can’t take this anymore.

Make my heart strong, don’t let me get attached to what is not written for me. Ya Allāh if it is good for me, make it easy. If it is not,make me content without it.

Only you can get out of this sadness, ya Allāh replace my sadness with goodness.

My soul is tired, o Allāh I’m begging you to help me get through this, I’m too weak to continue.

Dear Allāh,

It’s me again. I sit here again ready to pour my heart out, but you know what I’m going to say. Only you see the pain I hide day in day out, you see the fake smiles that I’ve learnt to perfect. You see the real me, the vulnerable and broken one, the one who begs for peace on the prayer mat.

You are Al-Aleem the all-knowing.

I have days where the emptiness consumes me, almost like I can’t breathe. This Dunya consumes my heart, I hate to admit it, but it does. I let this Dunya deceive me, and I wonder why I feel so empty.

Ya Allah, guide me and save me before it’s my time to return to you. Save me from self-destructing, and this Dunya is killing me.

My heart is yearning for Jannah, yet I chase the Dunya.

Ya Allah, save me before it’s too late.

I know you see my struggles, I know you see my silent tears, ya Allah I try to be patient. I know you told us that “Indeed, with hardships comes ease”.

Ya Allah, where is my ease?

I trust you, I know it’s coming, but I’m tired.

Ya Allah, I hate to complain, but I feel so broken. My sins burden me so heavily, but then I remember who our Lord is. You told us that even if our sins were to reach the clouds, you’d forgive us. How can I allow my sins to burden me when your mercy is always greater?

I sit here tonight and every night to remind myself that nothing is ever greater than the mercy of Ar-Rahman.

– Amal.

23 from London. Just trying to write more.