I have so many fears in life. I fear that I’m never going to be happy, that I’m never going to get my life together, that I will never achieve all the things I desire. My fears keep me up at night, constantly overthinking about it all. My fears stop me from putting myself out there, they stop me from living my life to the maximum.
My fears control me.
I don’t know when I started letting my fears define and control me, I feel like it was a gradual thing. Something that I didn’t notice till it really started affecting me, I guess that’s how things like this go. I just remember there being a time I could make decisions without feeling like the world was going to end aka — the good times.
I know saying my fears control me, seems dramatic. Sometimes I even think I’m being dramatic, but they do. I spend so much time thinking and thinking — letting the anxieties and fears just manifest into one big mess that controls me.
I hate that I let my fears control me, that I feel like I can’t live my life to the fullest because I am scared. If you were to ask me what I’m scared of, I don’t think I could give you a satisfactory answer all I know is that fear has me in a chokehold. I’m at an age where I should be exploring life, taking risks, trying new things etc but I can’t because I’m fearful and I hate that – I get so frustrated at times that I stop myself from trying all these new things because I’m simply afraid of making a fool out of myself or failing at it. So instead of attempting, I just don’t bother.
I’ve found that my fears are irrational, most of the things I fear are things that won’t hurt me but in my mind, they will and therefore I don’t do it, no matter how much I try to convince myself it’ll be okay – my brain has a different idea.
In a way, I’m so used to this, but over the last few months I’ve been thinking and enough is enough.
I’ve spent a lot of my years living in fear of actually living my life, but honestly enough is enough. I’m turning 25 soon and I refuse to let another year pass me by. It’s normal to be fearful of failure, rejection, inadequacy, uncertainty, the fear of being judged – or whatever else you fear but to stop living your life to due to these fears is not okay.
I wish I could sit here and tell you all facing your fears is such an easy thing to do, but I can’t because it’s not easy. I still struggle to do the things I want to, my mind can still be my biggest enemy but this is a journey that is going to take me time.
The biggest advice I would give you all is to just try! You will never know until you try.
Thanks for reading,
:)
