I tend to overthink situations (my whole life, actually), but one thing that helps is writing it all out. Even if it’s gibberish, writing it out makes it make sense in my head. Recently, I’ve been going through some rubbish times, but one particular situation had me thinking. Am I a good person? Am I a good friend? Why am I like this? Situations will arise that will have you questioning everything about yourself.
Self-doubt will enter your mind, and you end up painting yourself as a monster. Sometimes I see myself as a monster. I tend to paint myself differently in my mind; I’m much harsher on myself than others. I always wondered why I don’t let myself be happy, like why I think I’m not worth it. I’m my friend’s biggest cheerleaders, but for myself, I can’t even raise one pom pom in the air. It’s quite sad. I’ve always wondered why we are so hard on ourselves; we preach love yourselves to our friends, we tweet be kind and love yourself. But do we love ourselves when we tear ourselves down, when we feed our mind unkind words, do we love ourselves?
I speak for myself, and maybe I don’t love myself, that loving myself is still a work in process, and that’s okay. But what’s not okay is beating yourself up for your mistakes, we are all humans, and we make mistakes; we are not perfect. Striving for perfection will never work out because no one is perfect. Talking down on yourself and feeding your mind with unkind thoughts and words is also not okay. Regardless of what you think, I’m here to tell you that you deserve good things in your life; you deserve happiness. For whatever reason you may feel like you don’t, you do.
Everyone deserves to be happy. You may not feel like you do, but believe me, you do. I tend to torture myself and make myself think that I don’t deserve to be happy, but when I get asked why I believe that I can’t answer.. the only thing I know is I’m my own worst enemy at times.
To keep it honest, 2020 has been a year; I feel like I spent a lot time drowning in sadness. I wish every day were a good day, but you won’t always have good days in this life. You have to go through some bad days to get to the best days (so I’ve heard). My point being it’s okay to be sad; you won’t always be happy; you’ll have days where you’ll feel like you cannot escape from the sadness, but I promise it gets better.
This whole post is a mess; my feelings are all over the place tbh. But I have to keep it real. I get sad, I feel negative about myself, but that’s okay; I’m human. If you’re going through anything, I want to leave you with some Quran ayahs that always help me feel better or give me hope that everything will be okay one day.
Allāh does not burden a soul beyond it can bear. 2:286
Verily, in the remembrance of Allāh do hearts find rest. 13:28
Indeed, with hardships comes ease. 94:6
I have days where I feel like I’m drowning in sadness, but these Quran ayahs bring me to hope that I’ll be in peace one day. That what I’m going through right now is just a test from Allāh swt. Through the pain, there are blessings. If we all try and remember that, then maybe it’ll ease some of our pain.
Thanks for reading!