For me 2022 has been the year of transition, I left my comfort retail job of 6 years, threw myself into agency work and then a few months later landed my first official big girl job – whew!
It’s been a lot.
I’m super grateful for the way this year is turning out, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared because life transitions are scary but exciting at the same time.
The biggest change for me was the transition from working in retail to a big professional job. No one explains to you how different it is and of course, I knew it would be different but the whole dynamic of work-life balance has changed for me. I worked in retail for 6 years – it became my comfort zone. I didn’t always enjoy it but I knew I was good at working in retail and it was scary for me to even make the change of leaving, stepping out of my comfort zone and pursuing what I wanted to do.
I think for me the reason why I found the transition hard was because of my anxieties and fears. The fear that I wouldn’t be good enough in a professional role was holding me back for a long time. Applying for a job, after jobs, going to interview after interview and never getting the job – was just so mentally taxing. The little confidence I had in myself was shattered. I constantly didn’t feel good enough to get the role I wanted.
All those negative feelings I had about myself, took a lot out of me. I felt that I was my own worst enemy and even though I would try my hardest it wouldn’t be enough – so it got to a point where I just gave up and totally made myself believe working in retail is all I could do even though it made me so unhappy. There’s a part of you that feels like such a failure when you see everyone move into their career job & you’re just stuck.
I felt stuck for a long time.
When I sent my resignation on the 1st of March 2022, that was one of the scariest but bravest things I had done in a long time for myself. It may sound silly that leaving a job was the scariest and bravest thing someone’s done but for me – it was. That job honestly became my comfort zone and the thought of actually leaving it and starting my professional life was – scary.
The fear felt debilitating.
But alas, I left that job and dabbled in some agency work and during that time life was hard – I was truly in the stage of finding myself. And that’s a difficult stage to be in, because what does find yourself even mean? It’s really hard to put into words my journey of self-discovery during those 5 months, because although now I’m in a different stage of my life – I am still on my self-discovery journey, still trying to work on my confidence and silencing the negative self-talk and it’s difficult.
I’ve only been in my professional job for about 7 weeks and it’s so good but overwhelming. No one speaks about the transition into full-time employment and what it entails. It can honestly be daunting, trying to navigate yourself when you feel so out of place.
I want to feel good enough in my job and I’m chasing perfection when perfection doesn’t even exist – is a losing battle. And I think in these long but short 7 weeks at my new job, I’ve learnt a lot about myself already.
I live in my head a lot and that really ruins me most times, it can feel like I’m not doing enough or that I’m not actually going to succeed – when in actual fact I’m doing more than okay. I’m doing the best that I can do and sometimes that’s all you can do.
A loved one said something impactful to me “Criticism doesn’t mean you are not good enough” and this has really stuck with me because there’s so much truth and power in this statement. I’m someone who takes a lot to heart and sometimes feels like everything is a personal attack on my character when it’s not – so just remembering this grounds me.
Criticism doesn’t mean I’m not good enough, it’s just pointers for how I can improve myself because life is about making improvements. I’m not perfect, I’m still learning in this big scary world of professionalism and that’s okay! You’re not expected to know everything straight away – I wish knew this before I started my job, it would have helped me not be an overthinking mess.
If this journey of transitioning has taught me anything is that change is such a big emotion, and it takes time to get used to. It’s scary and it brings about so much anxiety, but you just have to really feel everything – even the scary emotions. And as scary as it is – you just got to explore it!
Even though change is scary – I say embrace it.
Before I sign off, I just want to leave you with this thought – don’t focus too much on the bigger picture and learn to appreciate the little things
– the small wins, the bits of growth, the tiny milestones.
baby steps and believe in yourself
Yours truly,
Amally.
